Friday, 19 December 2008

Biting the ballot


By Khushwant Singh

There are a few lessons to be learnt from the recent state elections. First, calls for boycott were ignored. The turnout was healthy, between 50-70 per cent in all six states including Kashmir. Two, elections were free and fair. There were no cases of booth-capturing, intimidation or bribing voters — a little free booze didn’t hurt anyone. It was as clear an example of people’s voice as we have ever had.

You may well ask, so what had the people to say? It would be wrong to assume that what mattered to them were how their state governments tackled regional problems, and issues of national importance were not on their minds. Or, that they were not influenced by what national leaders of political parties had to say. It was a mixture of both regional and national issues and leaders of parties were listened to before people made up their minds which side they would vote for. 

They were less swayed by class, caste or religious affiliations than ever before and more by achievements like the nuclear deal with the US, planting the tricolour on the moon, increasing number of cars on roads and visible signs of prosperity. Consequently, what Sonia Gandhi, Manmohan Singh and Rahul Gandhi said made more sense to them than what LK Advani, Rajnath Singh or Arun Jaitley repeated. 

All this, clearly, came out with the spectacular victory of the Congress in Delhi. Sheila Dikshit had much to display in the way of positive achievements — she proved herself as the best Chief Minister Delhi has ever had. Vijay Kumar Malhotra’s image suffered from his performance in Parliament. He reduced himself to being the cheerleader of the braying brigade that has almost ruined our parliamentary system of democracy. Millions of voters watched this on their TV sets and were appalled, especially the young voting for the first time. They voted en masse against the BJP. 

A parliamentary democracy needs a healthy opposition that keeps the ruling party on its toes. But it must rise above the negatives, nit-picking and focus on the real shortcomings of the government — the slow pace of development, failure to clean up the environment, little use of solar and wind energy, ever-mounting logjam of cases pending in the courts. And, much more. 

The BJP needs to be reminded that we are now about to enter 2009 and do not live in the middle ages. It must rise above the mandir-masjid disputes, stop carping about minority appeasement, lack of proper facilities for pilgrims etc. They are of secondary importance. Take the government head on over things that matter. What you need are younger leaders with a modern outlook. 

Or, you are doomed forever. 

Goodbye to all that 

The world media have been unfair to the outgoing US President. It has portrayed him as a brash, boorish, brainless buffoon who wrecked the prospects of peace in many parts of the globe. 

India has been no exception to the general trend of Bush-bashing. Now that he is retiring, I feel we should take another look at his tenure in office. Those who had pinned their hopes on the United Nations to maintain peace have been badly disillusioned. The UN is a divided house in which the smallest and the poorest of countries count as much as the big and the powerful. Moreover, UN members are known to gang up on ethnic, religious and political affinities at the cost of equity and justice.

Bush has been accused of waging a war against Iraq because America needed its oil. This is far from the truth. There were — and are — other oil-rich countries like Saudi Arabia willing to sell all it needs. Bush went to war not against Iraq but against its dictator, Saddam Hussein, who had waged an undeclared war against Iran for many years, annexed Kuwait and persecuted Iraqi Shias. Bush had 35 other nations, including Britain, to support the US intervention. When Saddam was executed, not many tears were shed over him.

America is at the frontline fighting al-Qaeda, the Taliban and other militant Islamic groups operating from the no-man’s land on the Pakistan-Afghan border. In both these countries, the governments are heavily reliant on America for financial and military aid to combat terrorism. The fact that Osama bin Laden and his mullah-minded supporters have failed to destroy Afghanistan and Pakistan is largely due to the presence of US troops and armour.

India’s relations with America have never been as friendly as they were during Bush’s regime as president of this country. He spearheaded the nuclear deal from the American side and Manmohan Singh did it from the Indian end. We hope to meet our energy requirements during Barack Obama’s tenure as president. We have much to be grateful for to George Dubya Bush.

No business like bad business

Four friends decided to start a motor garage business. A month passed without a single client because the garage was on the third floor. So the three converted the garage into rooms to be let out. A month passed without any takers because they had forgotten to change the signboard: ‘Garage tolet’. They did not give up hope and decided to ply a three-wheeler. They got no passenger. Reason? Three of them occupied the seats and one drove vehicle.

Saturday, 13 December 2008

United we stand, divided we fall




By Khushwant Singh

My son Rahul who lives in Colaba rang up at 9.30 pm on November 26 to tell us of the bomb blasts and assure us that he was safe. I switched on my TV. I saw flames billowing out of windows of the Taj hotel and its dome enveloped in smoke. I had lived close by for many years and was a daily visitor to its health club. I saw the Oberoi, where I had stayed a few times, surrounded by Indian commandos and guests looking out of windows. I saw the devastation caused to the Jewish enclave, Victoria Terminus, Cama Hospital and the airport. I was numb with disbelief. I had spent many happy years in the city. My first reaction was of impotent rage: ‘Hang the bloody bastards on Marine Drive and let the world see how we deal with murderers of innocent people.’ 


I cooled down and watched scenes repeated over and over again. They had no leads about the perpetrators. All I could gather was that they knew their ways about Mumbai very well, had been fully trained and equipped with the most lethal weapons. They must have also known there was little chance of their ever getting back to their homes. By the time I switched off the TV, the death toll was over 90, including two police officers investigating the Malegaon blast case. They also reported that one of the culprits had been shot dead. I hoped and prayed that the examination of his body did not reveal he was a Muslim.

Alas. He was a Muslim. So also were the rest of the gang. All Pakistanis. From the meticulous way the operation was carried out, it was evident that they had been rehearsing it in minute detail for many weeks, if not months, on Pakistani soil. Pakistan’s rulers have a great deal to explain to the world as the victims include many foreign nationals.

We should be unanimous in our response to the Mumbai attack. It has dealt a heavy body blow to those who have been trying to build bridges between the people of India and Pakistan. This process must continue. At the same time we must do our very best to put down those who are likely to exploit the murderous assault in Mumbai to spread Islamophobia. Many Indian Muslims were killed; all of them condemn it, as do other Indians – Hindus, Christians, Sikhs, Buddhists and Parsis. If we do not stand united in our reactions to what had happened in Mumbai, the murderers will have achieved what they wanted to achieve. We must not allow this to happen. We are one nation. We must give them one answer: to hell with you! You will never succeed in dividing us.

Do we need god?
Bageeshwari Devi is a disciple of Kripaluji Maharaj and principal spokesperson entrusted to spread his message abroad. Born in Mysore, she graduated from Mumbai and got a doctorate from Agra University. She was recently in Delhi to deliver a lecture at the India Habitat Centre on ‘Do We Need God’. She also dealt with related subjects: Whether god exists; Does he matter; what difference does his existence or non-existence make to us. 

Since I am no longer able to go out, I’ll try and get the text of what she said. Though I am not a disciple of Kripaluji Maharaj, I listen to his programmes on TV. Also, though I do not understand his ecstatic chanting of ‘Radhey,Radhey,’ what he has to say makes a lot of sense even to an agnostic like me. I also believe that everyone should find his or her own answers to the questions that Bageeshwari Devi deals with.

Do we need god? Most people feel they do, as he fills a vacuum in their lives. I am not sure whether or not I need him. At times I feel I am missing out on something other people have and I do not. Most times I do not miss him.

Does god really exist ? The vast majority of people insist he does; a growing minority do not believe in his existence. I belong to the minority — with the addition that I do not accept what is attributed to him. I am not sure if he is the creator, preserver or destroyer of life. If he is almighty, he is certainly neither just nor merciful because there is so much injustice and cruelty in life. 

I think the only honest answer to this question is to admit that we do not know. Nor do we know what happens to us after we die. All the theories about heaven, hell, re-birth etc. are pure conjectures without an iota of evidence to support them. I reject all of them and add that no one has the foggiest idea where we go after we breathe our last.

You may well ask after rejecting our cherished beliefs what is the purpose of life? Once again I crave forgiveness for my inability to reply in the positive. We live on because we were given life and have no choice but to go on living. Osho Rajneesh put it succinctly:
Kal bhee jeeyey thhey, aaj bhee jee rahey hain
Jeeney kee aadat see par gayee hai, Jeeyey ja rahey hain (We were alive yesterday; we’re still living today. It’s become a habit to be alive; we keep on living)

Getting under Yankee Hindi
An NRI lady returns from the US to India and is window-shopping in Delhi. Suddenly, she realises she is late for an appointment. She isn’t wearing a watch. So she asks the owner of a nearby shop in an American accent: “Wot’s the tyme?” 
The shopkeeper hates desis who put on foreign accents. He replies in an American accent: “Bra-panties” Confused, the lady asks again, “No, no. Wot’s da tyme?” The shopkeeper repeats his answer. Seeing the confusion between the two, a Sardarji comes to the rescue of the lady and says “O paaji, tusi samajh nahin paaye. Kudi twade ton puuchh rahii hai, kinna time hua: The shopkeeper answers back ‘Oye’ paji, main bhi tan ohnoo hee das rahan: ‘Barah-payntis — (12.35).
(Contributed by Paramjit S.Kochar, New Delhi)

Monday, 8 December 2008

Of iffy gurus and mystic sufis


By Khushwant Singh

I was reading Paul Johnson’s Intellectuals for the second time. It’s a highly readable series of essays on the role of intellectuals in Europe and the United States. The writings of some of them like Karl Marx, Friedrich Nietzche, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Leo Tolstoy, Jean-Paul Sartre and Bertrand Russell had a profound and lasting effect on generations of Europeans and Americans. India also produced intellects like Rammohun Roy, Sri Aurobindo and M.N. Roy. It has also some highly educated and perceptive thinkers today. But their impact on Indian society has been, and is, marginal. Why ?

I can assign two reasons for the failure of our intellectuals to change society. One is that all of them wrote in English that barely 10 per cent of educated Indians can read and comprehend. The masses never get to know about them. The second, and the more important factor in isolating intellectuals was, and is, the fact that the vast majority of our countrymen look up to their gurus or godmen for guidance because they speak their language. 

It is oral and not written communication. Gurus have massive following but their learning is limited to churning out accepted religious concepts unaffected by occidental learning. Most of their pravachans (lectures) are accompanied by hymn singing and at times dancing in ecstasy. Their congregations return to their homes contented and at peace with themselves because they do not have to wrestle with new ideas. That is why caste distinctions persist, foeticide is widely practised and we continue to breed at a suicidal rate. Our gurus never deal with such social problems.

I am not sure if my reading of the ineffectiveness of Indian intellectuals in changing social attitudes is correct. I hope to have readers’ reactions.

Rumi, with a view

Ten years ago a lady moved into a flat in the block next to mine. The entire complex of apartments was lit up by her presence. We had not seen a woman as beautiful as her. I spread the word around to my friends. Soon everyone was saying “that cranky old Sardar has gone bonkers. He refuses to meet people but if you want to get anything out of him, all you have to do is to ask the lady to speak to him. To him she is like heroine of Rider Haggard’s novel She, who must be obeyed.” Unfortunately the lady in question visits Delhi only for a few weeks in winter. I won’t mention her name. I call her ‘Heart’s Joy’.

She has hardly ever asked me to do anyone a favour. However, very recently she gave me a copy of a periodical published by the Rumi Foundation of India, called HU which is Arabic for God, or the One God. This third issue of the journal is on sufis and rishis of Kashmir. (She is Kashmiri by marriage). I promised to mention it in my column as I am intrigued by the recent outburst of interest in Rumi as well as the special brand of Islam prevalent in Kashmir. 

Then I noticed that the man behind the project was Muzaffar Ali. We are allergic towards each other. So I suspect he entrusted the job to my neighbour. I know Muzaffar to be a handsome go-getter with pretensions of zamindari aristocracy and interest in vintage cars. He made one good film, Umrao Jaan, starring Rekha with songs that will live for ever. For the last many years he’s keenly telling everyone he is filming Zooni. He hasn’t even started on it and is now telling people he is going to make one on Rumi. He is also into dress designing. 

Meanwhile, he has acquired an other worldly, soulful Sufi look with graying curly locks and a beard. He along with his third Hindu wife are regular Page 3 characters. He has no problem with money. Delhi Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit has been generous in her endowment to his ventures. He does a commendable job organising functions. I envy him, but have little time for him.

Rumi is all the rage in ‘pseud’ circles the world over. Jalaluddin (1207-73) born in Balkh, Afghanistan, settled down in Konya, Turkey, then called Rum (pronounced Room). He became a teacher and came to be known as Maulana Jalaluddin Rumi, Sheikh-al Akbar (the Great Master). His six-volume Masnavi in Persian is a masterpiece. He was a founder of the Mevlevi order of whirling dervishes based in Konya where he is buried. 

Rumi wrote on a wide range of subjects extending from the sublime to the very earthy. He had no single-religion obsession. For him all of them were the same. He could be ecstatic as well as bawdy. He wrote about union with the Creator as well as farting donkeys and over-sexed women who tried copulating with them. His worshippers don’t talk about his earthiness.

It is the same with HU. Karan Singh writes of the unique blend of Islam and Hinduism in Kashmir. Actually, it is true of the majority of Indian Muslims. They go to mosque to pray and to dargahs where pirs are buried, to beg for favours. He believes in miracles and how much his erstwhile Muslim subjects revere him. When the Valley was in turmoil over the disappearance of the hair of the Prophet, he and his Maharani went to pray at the Hazrat Bal shrine. And lo and behold, the next day the holy relic was back at its place. 

The magazine has articles on Kashmiri poets and holy men. It is hard to read them, as all pages are in shades of sepia or dark brown. It is in fact a collectors’ item to be admired rather than read. It is not priced presumably because it is meant to be priceless. For me it is so as it has a lovely picture. Of Heart’s Joy.

No teething troubles

Banta: Santa, I am thinking of making my son an eye-specialist. I am told eye specialists earn a lot of money doing eye-surgery and making spectacles. What do you think? 

Santa: I think you should make him a dentist. After all people have only two eyes while they have 32 teeth. So naturally a dentist gets more work. 

(Contributed by JP Singh Kaka, Bhopal)

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